I got an IUD today!
An IUD I say!
They put a piece inside of me
So I won't have a babe
But long before this piece got in
I had to get in too
Getting in a women's clinic
Is not an easy thing to do...
Security, do I have knifes?
Or even a corkscrew?
Into my purse my things dispersed
Metal detector; I must go through
Then through the doors, I wait in line
Behind a woman who can't stand
And so she sits, I hold her place
Until reception waves their hand
Now paperwork, it isn't hard
Answering questions you often do
"Would you like to be tested for HIV?"
"How many have I screwed?"
They call my name, give me a cup
I fill it up with pee
Then sit in another waiting room
Where Rachel Ray is on TV
And then it's really time, I swear!
It's time to put it in!
I take everything off below my waist
And wait to commit my sin
I say that jokingly of course
I don't believe that's true
Neither does my doctor
Who is from Midwest too!
"From Kansas, Catholic," she says as she
Coats a speculum with goo
"They're democrats my sisters gay
But we don't talk about what I do..."
"And that's fine," she says
She doesn't want, to cause conflict or strain
I listen as a pinching starts
And what feels like labor pains
And then it's done! "You're good!" she says
I exhale... I am spent
From taking control of my fertility
I got inside and so did the piece
I now have it with pride
A little freedom I'm free to have
That others have to hide.